Change

None of us are forced to live our entire lives the way we were brought up, we have the freedom to change, grow and transform...love you Aleyda

Obsessions

The disease of my mind...
The disease of all minds...
Caused by fear healed by love and faith.
The healing is in expanding the mind
Seeing the obsession for what it is a disease, treatable
taking the focus off and seeing beyond the visible and believing in the invisible

Cancer is a RADICAL Disease…Be Radical Heal!!!

I was talking to a friend of mine on the beach one lovely afternoon. Taking in the beauty and grandness of Mother Ocean and I asked her to talk to me about her sister whom had passed away from Cancer several years before. She was her best friend and she missed her. Now, I will make one thing clear the one thing you don’t want to hear about when you have cancer is stories of death and failure. But for some reason I felt I need to know. So I asked her to tell me about her sister. And she described a free spirit, highly connected to body and soul type of woman. She was a mother and creative and passionate about life. She was in her Mid-30’s and had a great life. Well, she shared that her sister was a radical who was connected to her soul and knew what was right for her. And what was right for her was to refuse the harsh treatments. I was at a loss. I SAID WHAT? And she explained that her sister tried some of the medications but did not like the reactions. Her sister felt that there was no need to resist what is, as educated and young as she was she was going to live her life her way. I asked her if she was mad at her sister for not fighting and she said no. I miss my sister but I admire her courage and path.

I remember feeling numb but the word radical stayed with me. It resonated with me. You see the typical course of cancer is you take meds go through pain and suffering and maybe get cancer free or maybe die. She was a radical she choose the natural course of her life. She felt that if she was meant to be on this planet longer she would not have gotten sick. She followed the path of her body. RADICAL nobody does that, I thought. She was and is courageous.

How am I a radical? Well, I have been told that my cancer is not curable and that I need to accept it. I did not accept this. I am a radical in a different way than my friend’s sister I will not accept this prognosis. I will HEAL myself and be a radical by believing that there is such possibility as STAGE IV and CURED. I know no one does this, and so I thought…I DID!!

It is OVER you can RELAX Now

I never thought this would come to me in the mist of the Hurricane called Cancer: It is impossible to resist or fight a hurricane, because it is a force so destructive and powerful- how could you ever win? At best you can try to prepare yourself and pray to withstand the wrath. It is this metaphor that introduced the sensation of powerlessness within my heart and soul. And as I acknowledged the powerlessness over the STAGE IV Breast Cancer –a liver with huge tumors.

I realized that my mind and charisma was not going to think my way out of this one. It is as if my will came to halt. And said I can’t do it anymore. I cannot take care of this issue. I cannot fix it or out smart it. I need a power stronger and wiser than myself I need GOD!! I RELAXED into the will of the Divine.

I felt the Power of my EGO become small and vulnerable and OPEN. I organically surrendered my will my EGO to the Divine. And as I did this surrendering of the EGO, my mind got quite, my heart opened up and the soothing out pour of love started. At that very moment I knew I was going to be alright and I relaxed. I was no longer in charge of my life. I surrendered and knew the divine had a plan for me and my life. A plan called my fate and it was all good..

Sweet ANXIETY

Oh! Sweet Anxiety
How present you are within me
Constant yet passive
Always present
Always there

What am I without you?
I DON'T KNOW
I have always had you with me
I felt your chronic worry as early as when I in the womb

To be carefree...
Would that ever be possible for Me?

My Sweet Anxiety, I ask you what will it take for you to set me free...FREE..At last FREE!

ANXIETY

Anxiety is like a knot the more you pull on it the tighter it gets.
Be soft and tender with it and it will slowly
unravel and go away.

PARADOX

I know how to swim-but I am afraid of WATER.
This is the paradox of life. We KNOW but THE FEAR stops the flow and magic.

I am more teachable when I am not A KNOW IT ALL...

Transformation

Transformation: This means to Change who you are and become who you are meant to be. Go back to the being you were before you started shutting down from YOUR spirit. Before all the "SHOULD" started from your parents, teacher, community and media. Deprogram from YOU SHOULD be: pretty, smart, quite, thin, rich, intelligent, famous, successful, the best, more than and all the fears of not good enough.

Prayer for Parents:
Dear God, Help me to accept who my child is and who they are meant to be.